Song of the Week:

Wonderwall
by Oasis


Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realizes what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me?
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me

Quote of the day:

"Do not be dismayed at good-byes. A good-bye is necessary before meeting again, and meeting again after moments or lifetimes is certain for those who are friends." - Richard Bach

i'm so sinful.
and now i've got a secret blog.
but it's a secret,
so i can't tell anyone.

i don't like it when people let me down, especially friends. they have this project going on and they've asked me to be in it. after agreeing to it, they turned around and asked someone else to be in it too, when there can only be one person, and it is in these really small things that are so trivial that i get upset over it, because this shows that i can't trust them properly anymore. It is not in the big things that causes me to feel this way, it is in the small little things that they do that makes me feel this way, small but significant things. Oh well, why should i even be bothered by this? i guess i still can't get over you and i want to keep the friendships going, but it's gonna be really hard. God is really testing me in patience, faith and love.

i don't like it.

Have a great Baptism Dawn!!

this friend of mine is amazing!!! Four years ago she attended the same baptism class as me and stephanie, but she didn't get baptised because her dad, a non-Christian, objected strongly to it. So me and steffie got baptised without her. That was also the first time when i was asked to speak in front of the whole church to share my testimony. Anyway, back to the miracle, this post is about Dawn, not me.

So, four years later, on one fine day when they were watching tv at home, Dawnie dear asked her dad the Question, and her dad said "YES"! wow... and so now, Dawnie dear is getting baptised TODAY at 3pm, i think, in Church!!! After being a Christian for almost 7 years, had her falls, had her doubts, but NOT once did she stop believing and following Him. So, Dawn, i would really really love to fly back and attend this wonderful wonderful occasion, but i can't, i'm sorry!

Once again, i look upon the cross where You died,
i'm humbled at Your mercy and i'm broken inside.
Once again i thank You
Once again i pour out my life.

Have a great baptism!! Walk with the Lord and follow Him all the days of your life, and i hope that we'll meet in heaven!!

Cya!!

Happy Birthday Miin!!!

=)

i haven't been having a nightmare for 14 nights now and counting.

-At Peace-


My back bursted again a few days ago, hence the "Lord, i don't want to die yet" post, because the fluid and blood kept on oozing out non-stop for like 3 days? And i've read from somewhere that if the blood doesn't stop flowing out, i might die? But the hole is too small for that to happen.

i started whining, complaining about why i have to be that 1 in 100,000 people to have that condition, and that there is no cure, and no exact name for that condition, and the doctors did not know how to treat it, wallowing in self-pity, about how my problem is so much bigger and so much more life-threatening than others who have family problems, emotional problem, relationship problems, being such a self-centered pitiful person who actually started doubting God and His power that He is in control of everything, that He can heal me in His timing, that He can do it. Just had this cycle repeating throughout those few days.

i've been having this back condition for 9 years now, and it's still not completely, fully healed yet. 9 years is seriously a very long time. and it's not healed yet. During those 9 years, i had backslided, i had wandered away, i had doubted God, i had lost my faith and trust, i had felt that God is not listening to me, that God has abandoned me, that God has gone, but somehow something will happen, some insights, some verses, some incidents, will bring me back to God.

From the time of the last post till about a few days ago, everytime i started whining or complaining about my condition to anyone, especially ronnie, "sorrie, ronnie, for involving you in my own emotional and spiritual turmoil." there will be a voice telling me to not let Satan come and attack my Spirit and let me down, and why should i be doubting God? He has always been there for me, He has the power to heal me, He is there. and this cycle repeats.

And everytime i feel jealous or useless or pathetic or envious, i stop and reflect and know that God has made me beautifully and wonderfully, that He has a purpose for me, that He cares for me, and i am at peace.